How many ways are to any one’s heart?

The comfort road?

There are some that for the comfort of their heart choose to find a person that fulfills their necessity in life and never risk on anything out of their world. Do you call that living?

The security road?

The road to security is mostly chosen by the house wives, or house men by the case. Those who never dream beyond the white fence, two kids and a dog. Where is the fun in that?

The settling road?

Is the road taken by those unable to wait or fight for what they really want. Incapable to reach their golds they settle for anyone that comes along.

The food road?

Some say that loves goes through your stomach. Let’s marry cows and pigs then!! Oh! And send them to have sex with dinosaurs ) Oh! But wait! They have food, they don’t need sex!!

The love road?

The road of those who wait a life time if necessary to reach his soul mate.
Who takes this road?? Like 2 on a million?

The money road?

Well… Here we have like trillion people on board ) Hell!! Who isn’t on this train??

The sorrow road?

It comes a time in life when tired and disappointed of the way things turned, that you just take anyone to fill you sad heart if only for a split second. Sad, but true. Don’t go anywhere around this train…

The must road?

I must be in love! I must have someone in my life like everybody else does!
I must not be lonely! Why not?? Afraid to reach your 80′s with a black cat on your lap??

The long road

This is the road that those who have no idea what they want and chose to pass by love until the final moment. And only some manage to get it back, if they are lucky. Dumb idiots!! What the fuck is you brain for??

The surprise road

I am taking this one. It might be quite a long and bumpy road but I am sure there are milk and cookies at the end of it.

There are probably many more love trains that life can offer, the most important before getting on any of them is to know where do you see yourself when you get off.

“There’s a big ocean… but there is only one blue fish…”

Good night!!

I am going fishing

Chapter II – The awakening

In your 20’s you are tempted to try, to test many things. Along the way you find those things to be useful or completely useless, but when it comes to matters of the heart testing is definitely not good to try.
I was tempted to try and test many things and as I learned with time I am not able to be consequent in keeping the same feelings for anyone in time.
But, stubborn as I am and curious by nature, I kept trying to see how it feels to feel. And it seemed that even in the hardest moments I got to keep my emotions under control. That may mean that I either haven’t found my match or I am malfunctioning. Whether is pain or joy, I tend to test them all so I would finally appreciate every emotion that a human may have in a life time. The trick is to actually feel the supreme feeling.
And here is the problem.
On many occasions I was convinced that I actually feel that spark, and in the end it was just an illusion. It’s always like this; I just can’t get to keep it all together. I either find (or even look for) flaws or just excuses to get me out of anything that may seem serious in a relationship with a man. If it’s not fun, exciting or complicated, it doesn’t get me high. Normal love it’s not my game.
In my search of the supreme feeling I end up always wanting something else.
I really hope I am not one of those impulsive creatures that today they think they are in love, they jump into commitment and after a short while they run with the speed light as far as they can go just to not face the judgment of their actions.
‘Cause that’s what I’m feeling now, I want to run and hide from the rest of the world just to have a moment of quiet and peace so I can hear myself thinking. I not curious anymore to see the end of it (I foresee it all like others before it).
I am in a constant search of that high, so I guess that normal it’s just not my playmate.
But there is a back fire to this dirty game I play. There are always two sides of the sward. So somehow it came my turn to be played.
As soon as I realized I am getting played I had a revelation: My God!! How many hearts I broke along the way? I’ve never had any regrets, any sympathy for any of them. It was not my choice to have them fallen for me. Why should I bear the heaviness of their broken hearts?
Well, it was my turn to take the heat. Or that’s what I thought for the moment. That I am finally defeated at my own game, maybe I finally get to pay for all the wrongs I did in my past and for the tears that I caused.
But then I woke up one morning again with no feelings, empty as usual with no wishes for any kind of love. I held that emptiness for a few days then I went right back in the game. Deep down in the storm of feelings that I do not wish to control so that I would enjoy them for a short while until I get over them once more. If love has any color then I might just be colorblind since I cannot separate my thoughts from my emotions when I am deep inside that storm. I cannot see if it’s love or desire, passion or just a game that I intend to play until I get bored or find another toy to break. I am an impulsive creature with no order of thoughts, with just a defense mechanism that comes out whenever I get to close to the fire.
Am I heartless? Or is it that I have no clue where I am heading to, no clear wish for my future so that I would know what I want.
Right now, I want nothing, and for many years I’ve never picture myself in a duo. Maybe it’s just not the right time, maybe time will fix everything. So I just go with the flow…

XOXO ’till the next one…