Steel Princess » The Searching Society

Ticket to the moon

Lady Luck — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:53:13 +0000

Due to the last events in the past month I finally decided to take this step. I needed a change as much as I needed to get away, to run from all this so I can find my peace. And maybe I will find it on the streets of Paris… Yes, I got one way ticket to Paris, and I say goodbye to all the things I know forever. I will miss you guys and I will go with nothing but the memories we have together. I will miss my craziness around you and your ways of supporting me over the years, but I am taking you all in my heart along the way, anywhere I will go int his world. I hope you’ll only remember my good parts, as I know I get so crazy sometimes and strong headed, impossible and obsessed of always getting my way, but that’s just the way I am and I know you love me with goods and bad, but please do remember only the good side of me. I know I was not always right but I was just living every moment to the maximum, never thinking about the consequences. After all life is like a poker game, you just need the good cards to be able to play it right.

I knew this day will come, and I chose to do it quickly so I won’t feel he pain of the change I make. I promise to think of you while I am walking in the most romantic city in the world or while I will take my walks in the forest near our place there… there are so many beautiful places there… France is a country where you should never be alone, it is such much romance in the air, in the buildings there, on the streets, in its history… only a breathe and you are in love with that feeling of wishing there was somebody by your side to enjoy the beauty of loving to love…

I was always alone there and I was always sad that I had no one by my side to enjoy the things I saw, the places I visited, everything… And I am going there sad as well but this time that place is just what I need for my sadness… I am one of those that when has a cold eats ice cream… that heals the blues with the romance in the air… It might make no sense but it does for me… I dream of those days when I will read a book in the park behind the Notre-Dame… while pidgins are filling the park around… I love travelling and i wish I will be able to travel the world, for there are so many beautiful places that I need to know, see, discover… I will only miss you but nothing else I leave behind…

Until we meet again…

Venus Atmosphere – The end of a fairy tale

Lady Luck — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:13:38 +0000

Chapter V

It’s hurts so much, and I just cannot stop it. I am unable to deal with this feeling like I just lost a part of me. It is sad and hurtful. I made the move to end it as I figure out that it was not just a fling, a desire, a provocation, it was so much more… It was, it is… Love. A feeling that I would have preferred to experience it at it fullest, and not only for a moment. It’s funny, when you feel the taste of love you want more and more, you just can’t get enough, it’s like a drug for which there is no cure. I did the final move and I do not feel any better but a lot worse than before for now I am sure that we’ll never see each other again for this way is the best. There was no future in between, there was only a troubled past. Two twisted minds that once together sparked for a second and that spark made a memory that I, for one, will never end up forgetting it. It was something so beautiful that marked my existence strongly and it will take me forever to understand what happened… I am a strong woman and I get hide and play with emotions as I please… until now. Now I cannot control any part of me, my heart is deaf, my brain is stuck, my body is slow. There is no function in me to work normal. The only change I feel is when for any reason I get to think of him and the rhythm of my heart is so fast that I am afraid it will explode sometimes.

I just want my smile back…

Venus Atmosphere

Lady Luck — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:58:12 +0000

Chapter IV – Intellectual Love

I have no idea what was in my head, maybe nothing, maybe something. It was nothing sexual to begin with, maybe just the curiosity of what it will feel like to be with someone like him. It’s curious but I do not recall what started this curiosity, but there was something that made me get so fucked up one night and just go to him and kiss him. It was quick and I remember only the surprise on his face. Then all became kind of natural… we went out, spend the night together, for like almost 2 weeks. We were good together, it felt good, like it was suppose to happen like this, there were no cheese lines, no made up stories, there was just us, for a very short time, just fun. And then, before he left we tested the last there was left to be tested, nothing out of the ordinary there except for the moment, it is true, it was fast, and we were confused perhaps for what was going to happened but that I remember… it was something else even though we had no time to explore it more. Back then I didn’t quite understood what was happening to me, why did I like this guy, and what did I like about him? Now, after all this time, I still don’t know. Was it his way of dancing with me (cause I have never met anyone to move like that with me), was it his intelligence (cause he is smart and intelligent), was his way of driving me crazy sometimes or most of the times (he was so strange with me sometimes, in a weird way that I never quite understood what it was he wanted from me), were his lips or his way of touching me, was it the way I was around him (pretty quiet and calm - for those who know me – this is something out of the ordinary), what was is that made me like him so much? I still don’t know. Somehow this man fucked up my existence and I really have no idea why or how he did it.

It’s unusual for me to like someone for what he is, I always search for flaws, of any kind just so I would get a reason not to like a man. And honestly with the kind of guys I’ve been with, was not even difficult to ditch them because of their flaws, since each one of them had a collection of defects that make me start running. Why wasn’t the same this time as well? What did he had that it made me stuck in that moment. After all this time I still haven’t fond the answer.

If it is to make a scheme of moments it will be something like this: I seek, I searched, I found, I concurred, I explored, I felt. It seems so weird to actually like somebody for what he is and not for any superficial quality he may prove to have. Maybe this is what I needed to see how it feels to actually leave nature to take its course, to never have to modify a moment or improve it since it is already perfect by itself.

But there is always something more under the cover…

Venus Atmosphere

Lady Luck — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:08:42 +0000

Chapter III – The Storm

It breaks me down to pieces and then it gets me right up to the sky where I get to play with any planet I want. It’s like the earth stops and there is no one alive except for you and him.

In those moments, I got to forget the most important to me, so that’s when I realized that Fuck!! I’m screwed!! What is this?? Where does it taking me?? Am I nuts?? Is it going to last for only a moment or it will keep me hanging forever more?

Somebody pictured me to be a tornado that everywhere it goes, leaves traces that remain in time. I asked him: why would you say something like that? Tornadoes are not good for human kind; they destroy everything in their path. He replied: yes, but there are some people that just love tornadoes and they wait their entire life for one to come in their life. I am not sure I get what he meant to say. Maybe he was right, but then again, who is the soul mate of a tornado? And what does a tornado with a storm of emotions do?

One day I am high, the next I’m low, why does it have to be like this? Why am I a tornado? In a way he was right. I am a tornado. I get so furious sometimes that I want to destroy everything in my way just to release the pain. But then again why? Why do I enjoy living only at the extremes? Why can’t I be normal or enjoy normal feelings like others do? I am looking forward for the explanation of my twisted mind. There just has to be one.

If I am to describe some of my high moments in my life I guess I would say I had like only 3, when I actually felt something out of the ordinary. The first two times it was just for a second and I had no feelings what so ever for the persons in cause, and the third time, well, the feeling lasted more… But will it last? I don’t really think so, but that’s just the idea of this story… to see where it takes me )

Baby Blues

Lady Luck — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:02:19 +0000

On 17 was born Ronnie, the first born in K’s family. He is an incredible handsome boy. Although he is only a few days old, he already knows how to smile. And he has a lot of hair. We went to see him and his mom today, to take part at the joy that a baby can bring in a family. Being their first born child, both parents are overwhelmed with emotions and they don’t really realise what just happened. The new member of the family will soon be surrounded by a lot of love since he is lucky to have a loving and beautiful family and us, the 4 “aunts” that love him. One of the “aunts” that joined me today to the hospital was so affected by the sight of Ronnie that her knees melted. I had no idea she wishes a child so much. In spite of the fact that she is not where she is suppose to be in life, her greatest wish is to have a baby. I am not really sure that she realises what a baby means in this world. I am not sure that she is mature enough to make the fact that to raise a child you need more that will and money. You need stability and safety. You need a home as in a warm home for the baby’s soul. A child, even a baby, gets a lot of the emotion of his parents, being positive or negative ones. To raise a child in this society means to be certain that you can insure a future for him, as well as a plan for the next 18 years. I’ve seen in life a lot of young moms, mostly single, that have a hard time copping with the changes brought by a child in their life, even if that child was their highest desire. There are also those couples that have children even though they don’t love each other, some ending by divorcing and raising the child in a unhealthy environment. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, maybe I am too much of a perfectionist, but my idea of a child is when you have finally found your way in life, you’ve met your better half and together you can provide a safe and warm home for the baby. There are too many kids raised in broken homes, that live a lifetime with traumas that no one can repair and heal. There are too many kids with no parents and homes, with no food on the table or no table at all. I believe we owe it to ourselves to think twice before getting into making babies without thinking first at them and not at our selfish souls.

The fact that I was raised without a father made me tougher, stronger and maybe even a better person than I would have become if they would still be together, since they were like oil and water, but that doesn’t mean that if I would have been raised in a good and warm family I would have not became who I am today. Even more, I believe that maybe I would have gone even further then where I am now, having the support and the love of a wonderful and loving family.

Please think twice before having a baby, they are not toys, and they don’t have to pay for your mistakes just because when you should say no, you said yes. It’s better to prevent than to be sorry. Sorry does not make for a baby life.

For those happy and fortunate who were blessed with babies, I wish you all the good in the world for you deserve it!!

For the rest, be patient, life holds in store a lot of beautiful surprises if you wait long enough.

For Ronnie: You will have a beautiful life filled with lovely surprises and excitement, you will know love, and love will know you, enjoy your life as life enjoys your coming!!

Love,

Love Trains

Lady Luck — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:50:58 +0000

How many ways are to any one’s heart?

The comfort road?

There are some that for the comfort of their heart choose to find a person that fulfills their necessity in life and never risk on anything out of their world. Do you call that living?

The security road?

The road to security is mostly chosen by the house wives, or house men by the case. Those who never dream beyond the white fence, two kids and a dog. Where is the fun in that?

The settling road?

Is the road taken by those unable to wait or fight for what they really want. Incapable to reach their golds they settle for anyone that comes along.

The food road?

Some say that loves goes through your stomach. Let’s marry cows and pigs then!! Oh! And send them to have sex with dinosaurs ) Oh! But wait! They have food, they don’t need sex!!

The love road?

The road of those who wait a life time if necessary to reach his soul mate.
Who takes this road?? Like 2 on a million?

The money road?

Well… Here we have like trillion people on board ) Hell!! Who isn’t on this train??

The sorrow road?

It comes a time in life when tired and disappointed of the way things turned, that you just take anyone to fill you sad heart if only for a split second. Sad, but true. Don’t go anywhere around this train…

The must road?

I must be in love! I must have someone in my life like everybody else does!
I must not be lonely! Why not?? Afraid to reach your 80′s with a black cat on your lap??

The long road

This is the road that those who have no idea what they want and chose to pass by love until the final moment. And only some manage to get it back, if they are lucky. Dumb idiots!! What the fuck is you brain for??

The surprise road

I am taking this one. It might be quite a long and bumpy road but I am sure there are milk and cookies at the end of it.

There are probably many more love trains that life can offer, the most important before getting on any of them is to know where do you see yourself when you get off.

“There’s a big ocean… but there is only one blue fish…”

Good night!!

I am going fishing

Guess who’s BACK!!

Lady Luck — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:18:39 +0000

Ladies and Gents, the Princess is back!! I got brand new batteries and a bunch of stories to tell. It has been a long long year and I feel tired but I got a brand new hope for the future.

Since Smurfy lost my other web address (20somethingwomen.com is gone), I got a new face: The Steel Princess. I guess it represents me well enough and I will leave you to decide after you’ll see my experiences from this year if I am made of steel or not… But we’ll get back to this another time.

Now, for tonight I got only the introduction and a short story that marked my past two years and it needs an urgent closure so I can be able to move on to another stupid fantasy (man! do I screw up my life with so much style sometimes :)) The story will be on chapters so you may feel the tension of the coming closure.

AND! I do promise to write a lot more in the new era and I’ve got gifts in store for some of you

Let’s go to… Bedtime stories.

The Princess is alive and kicking!!

Kisses to my favourites: Smurfy for the new site and the face lift of it, the 4 musketeers for standing by my side, all the boys that adore me, and the others that just stand me

xoxo

Smokes and Dicks

Lady Luck — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:15:47 +0000

Most if not all of my ex-s tried to make me stop smoking and guess what? I did. Stopped smoking in front of them )
If there is a lesson to learn out of this is never stop smoking over a dick.
Dicks go by, cigarettes never swing.
Let me tell you a funny story about an ex who terrorized me to stop smoking. And so I did for 2 weeks and after thought better and I decided to just never smoking in his face. But of course the Dude didn’t even notice that. I use to smoke everywhere with him, in his mother’s house, with his mother and sometimes even her cigarettes, at the seaside, in the restaurants, at the country side, everywhere but not in front of him.
The Dude was pleased that I stopped smoking and I was happy to lie to him (face it, it was for a good cause – I get bored easily).
The funny part of the story is that he made his brother and his sister-in-law to quit smoking too, and they adopted the same style as me.
And actually this thing bonded a friendship between me and that girl until present time.
They smoke their asses up behind his back face and the Dude lives a happily illusion that he cured people from cancer.
Isn’t this lovely?

Thinking of this, quiting smoking would have deprived me from these moments when I enjoy my 4 AM Rose and my pink little Vogue.
I mean really, who wants to live forever anyway? And why? We have only a lifetime and we’d better make the most of it cause it doesn’t give us a second spin.

If I choose to stop something I’d rather do it on my time frame, after all, I am calling the shots in my life, you in yours, we check points at the end

Have a good one dear!!
A la votre!!

The One

Lady Luck — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 00:41:35 +0000

I live in a stone cold society based on superficiality and over rated (or in some cases low rated) comfort. The one thing that drives me up the mornings is not the coffee but the wish of making something good of that day.
You see… I’ve been through all… late mornings, late afternoons, late nights and back to normal early mornings.
I must admit, although I love sleeping in the morning and being lazy most of the time, my body just loves, adores the energy of a bright early sunny day. I love that feeling that I have done something that was worth my while that day, or with that night for that mater.

Take for instance today, I have had a late morning, no coffees, lots of e-mails and scans, and nothing worth mentioning until late in the night when I finally got the laziness out and put my hand on my hardly ever used laptop. Being lazy and a lover of technology I am a paradox since I hardly use the lazy-top.

I have this wild dream of doing everything I love and get paid for that as well. As on of my dear and cynic friends would say: “Honey, you’re deluded!”

And… I have Robot Boy who’s dream is to find The One.

Between my wild dream and his I wonder, who’s more deluded?

Me, for wanting the world at my feet and constantly bragging about it or him for searching something who believes it’s out there but he has no idea how that might turned out to be like.
What is the definition of The One these days? Is The One the pair of perfect legs in a Vintage dress, is she the good friend that turned into a good catch and after in the one, or maybe is she’s the pretty face you’ll meet on your way home from work in the bus station OR is The One the perfect match to your dreams and fantasies?
But then you will have to know your dreams and fantasies quite well. And I wonder, when do we know our selves at that better level that we can say: Damn!! That’s the one!! The One who’s gonna give all that was desired and to whom we’ll give us.

Is us enough to give in this society where all is rated?

When do you get to know yourself that good to know what you want and how the one should be?
Is it at 20′s? Is is at 30′s? Or is it never and we all just have to settle with the best that we’ve found out of the people we’ve met?
Cause in that case I’ll definitely end up in the sappy low rated American movie: just me and my cat in a studio with a bunch of sappy movies and a tone of dreams to chase (let’s not forget the ice-cream).

Sorry guys, but so far, none of you are the best, even out of the worst, and even if you were the best for someone, that someone is just not Me.
I got dreams to chase and flags to run down, I got the spirit to run wild and steam to boost my thirsty heart for living, and I am just not ready to settle for anything less dazing than Me.

Dedicated to Robot Boy cause heart my friend is the one who’s gonna tell you who you are and what you want.
The One is just the Cherry on top of the cake you surely deserve.

Love is gone, long live the Love!!

Until next time… live a little

I would like a raise

Lady Luck — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:34:52 +0000

So… almost six months now… and I manage to keep my job… Nothing new so far in this section of my life. But, then again, that is the section that does take 60% of my time. And, if I add 20% sleeping time that leaves 20% time to waste getting pissed at people, watching movies, wrestling, cooking, and of course cleaning (bleah). So… there’s my life. Beautiful as it is I am soon to be forced to apply to an anger management program.