On 17 was born Ronnie, the first born in K’s family. He is an incredible handsome boy. Although he is only a few days old, he already knows how to smile. And he has a lot of hair. We went to see him and his mom today, to take part at the joy that a baby can bring in  a family. Being their first born child, both parents are overwhelmed with emotions and they don’t really realise what just happened. The new member of the family will soon be surrounded by a lot of love since he is lucky to have a loving and beautiful family and us, the 4 “aunts” that love him. One of the “aunts” that joined me today to the hospital was so affected by the sight of Ronnie that her knees melted. I had no idea she wishes a child so much. In spite of the fact that she is not where she is suppose to be in life, her greatest wish is to have a baby. I am not really sure that she realises what a baby means in this world. I am not sure that she is mature enough to make the fact that to raise a child you need more that will and money. You need stability and safety. You need a home as in a warm home for the baby’s soul. A child, even a baby, gets a lot of the emotion of his parents, being positive or negative ones. To raise a child in this society means to be certain that you can insure a future for him, as well as a plan for the next 18 years. I’ve seen in life a lot of young moms, mostly single, that have a hard time copping with the changes brought by a child in their life, even if that child was their highest desire. There are also those couples that have children even though they don’t love each other, some ending by divorcing and raising the child in a unhealthy environment. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, maybe I am too much of a perfectionist, but my idea of a child is when you have finally found your way in life, you’ve met your better half and together you can provide a safe and warm home for the baby. There are too many kids raised in broken homes, that live a lifetime with traumas that no one can repair and heal. There are too many kids with no parents and homes, with no food on the table or no table at all. I believe we owe it to ourselves to think twice before getting into making babies without thinking first at them and not at our selfish souls.

The fact that I was raised without a father made me tougher, stronger and maybe even a better person than I would have become if they would still be together, since they were like oil and water, but that doesn’t mean that if I would have been raised in a good and warm family I would have not became who I am today. Even more, I believe that maybe I would have gone even further then where I am now, having the support and the love of a wonderful and loving family.

Please think twice before having a baby, they are not toys, and they don’t have to pay for your mistakes just because when you should say no, you said yes. It’s better to prevent than to be sorry. Sorry does not make for a baby life.

For those happy and fortunate who were blessed with babies, I wish you all the good in the world for you deserve it!!

For the rest, be patient, life holds in store a lot of beautiful surprises if you wait long enough.

For Ronnie: You will have a beautiful life filled with lovely surprises and excitement, you will know love, and love will know you, enjoy your life as life enjoys your coming!!

Love,

Me

What is time? Where does it coming from? What does it do? When does it stop? What is its purpose?
Time is the essence of us all, it measure our life in seconds, moments, minutes, hours, years… It comes out of someones need to measure his boredom or his actions. It makes us wait, calculate, think, speed, run, wake up, sleep, it makes us robots. It never stops unfortunately, except for those lucky enough to reach the intensity of time, when a moment seems like an eternity filled with passion and pleasure. Its purpose is to calculate our life and stamp our memories with time lines.
I wonder how is it for someone that has amnesia… How time reflect his/her memories? Does it feel better to not know your past, to not remember your mistakes and errors, to not remember any feeling at all? It’s tricky I know, but I somehow believe that amnesia can be a wonderful experience for some of us. It gives you the chance of taking it from the start all over again…
Another wonder that I have about time is: why every time I have a lot of time to spare and nothing to do, I never tend to do the things I love, like paint, write, draw, re-decorate, walk in the park, listen my favourite music… I always try to find something else to do, I get extremely bored and I always look for new things to try, and when I get extremely busy all I want is to relax doing the things I love… I am a paradox of time.
Free or busy I always want the exact opposite of what I should in fact do with my time.
My perfect dream of spending my time (well I got two actually) starts on the land of an English castle riding a black horse towards the woods near a beautiful lake. I find it to be quite relaxing and peaceful.
The second one is on the beach, on a swing in front of a beautiful house with blue curtains, watching the ocean and taking the breeze in my lungs… hm… the smell of the salty water makes me feel so… good, calm, relaxed, reborn…
In my fantasy I should have 2 houses, one on the beach of a blue ocean, one on the hills, in a dark age English castle. And I would spend my holidays in islands and mountains exploring every inch of this earth…
This is what I would love to do with my time in my dreams… But then reality bites back and I only go to my fantasy world whenever I have the time… Like now… Come join me for an ice tea from Long Island on the beach tonight…
I’ll be wearing moonlight in my hair this time.

Good old dreams…

How many ways are to any one’s heart?

The comfort road?

There are some that for the comfort of their heart choose to find a person that fulfills their necessity in life and never risk on anything out of their world. Do you call that living?

The security road?

The road to security is mostly chosen by the house wives, or house men by the case. Those who never dream beyond the white fence, two kids and a dog. Where is the fun in that?

The settling road?

Is the road taken by those unable to wait or fight for what they really want. Incapable to reach their golds they settle for anyone that comes along.

The food road?

Some say that loves goes through your stomach. Let’s marry cows and pigs then!! Oh! And send them to have sex with dinosaurs ) Oh! But wait! They have food, they don’t need sex!!

The love road?

The road of those who wait a life time if necessary to reach his soul mate.
Who takes this road?? Like 2 on a million?

The money road?

Well… Here we have like trillion people on board ) Hell!! Who isn’t on this train??

The sorrow road?

It comes a time in life when tired and disappointed of the way things turned, that you just take anyone to fill you sad heart if only for a split second. Sad, but true. Don’t go anywhere around this train…

The must road?

I must be in love! I must have someone in my life like everybody else does!
I must not be lonely! Why not?? Afraid to reach your 80′s with a black cat on your lap??

The long road

This is the road that those who have no idea what they want and chose to pass by love until the final moment. And only some manage to get it back, if they are lucky. Dumb idiots!! What the fuck is you brain for??

The surprise road

I am taking this one. It might be quite a long and bumpy road but I am sure there are milk and cookies at the end of it.

There are probably many more love trains that life can offer, the most important before getting on any of them is to know where do you see yourself when you get off.

“There’s a big ocean… but there is only one blue fish…”

Good night!!

I am going fishing

Chapter II – The awakening

In your 20’s you are tempted to try, to test many things. Along the way you find those things to be useful or completely useless, but when it comes to matters of the heart testing is definitely not good to try.
I was tempted to try and test many things and as I learned with time I am not able to be consequent in keeping the same feelings for anyone in time.
But, stubborn as I am and curious by nature, I kept trying to see how it feels to feel. And it seemed that even in the hardest moments I got to keep my emotions under control. That may mean that I either haven’t found my match or I am malfunctioning. Whether is pain or joy, I tend to test them all so I would finally appreciate every emotion that a human may have in a life time. The trick is to actually feel the supreme feeling.
And here is the problem.
On many occasions I was convinced that I actually feel that spark, and in the end it was just an illusion. It’s always like this; I just can’t get to keep it all together. I either find (or even look for) flaws or just excuses to get me out of anything that may seem serious in a relationship with a man. If it’s not fun, exciting or complicated, it doesn’t get me high. Normal love it’s not my game.
In my search of the supreme feeling I end up always wanting something else.
I really hope I am not one of those impulsive creatures that today they think they are in love, they jump into commitment and after a short while they run with the speed light as far as they can go just to not face the judgment of their actions.
‘Cause that’s what I’m feeling now, I want to run and hide from the rest of the world just to have a moment of quiet and peace so I can hear myself thinking. I not curious anymore to see the end of it (I foresee it all like others before it).
I am in a constant search of that high, so I guess that normal it’s just not my playmate.
But there is a back fire to this dirty game I play. There are always two sides of the sward. So somehow it came my turn to be played.
As soon as I realized I am getting played I had a revelation: My God!! How many hearts I broke along the way? I’ve never had any regrets, any sympathy for any of them. It was not my choice to have them fallen for me. Why should I bear the heaviness of their broken hearts?
Well, it was my turn to take the heat. Or that’s what I thought for the moment. That I am finally defeated at my own game, maybe I finally get to pay for all the wrongs I did in my past and for the tears that I caused.
But then I woke up one morning again with no feelings, empty as usual with no wishes for any kind of love. I held that emptiness for a few days then I went right back in the game. Deep down in the storm of feelings that I do not wish to control so that I would enjoy them for a short while until I get over them once more. If love has any color then I might just be colorblind since I cannot separate my thoughts from my emotions when I am deep inside that storm. I cannot see if it’s love or desire, passion or just a game that I intend to play until I get bored or find another toy to break. I am an impulsive creature with no order of thoughts, with just a defense mechanism that comes out whenever I get to close to the fire.
Am I heartless? Or is it that I have no clue where I am heading to, no clear wish for my future so that I would know what I want.
Right now, I want nothing, and for many years I’ve never picture myself in a duo. Maybe it’s just not the right time, maybe time will fix everything. So I just go with the flow…

XOXO ’till the next one…

CHAPTER I – Genesis

He was exotic… I was single and crazy for new sensations. He was an asshole, I liked only assholes. He gave me what I thought I needed, I fell for an illusion.

Two years later, he came back, he called, I answered, we’ve met, I was not surprised to find him to be still an asshole and me still fallen for the asshole type. But… that day came when my feelings found my judgement and the brain cells won, leaving my heart empty and my soul disappointed by the fact that this life comes with no beautiful surprises. Even if the feeling goes away or stays under control, the memory does not erase those moments that lifted you up to the sky and made you the only one on earth for just a space second. I pick up every time the pieces of my broken heart and throw them in the back corner of my mind telling my self that it is just another experience that I must live and learn.

I take this as a lesson learned…

It’s just the Venus Atmosphere that clouds my mind and makes me fly so high and when it goes away the earth is pulling me to the ground with the light speed so hard that a heart attack looks like a walk in the park.

Will continue…

Ladies and Gents, the Princess is back!! I got brand new batteries and a bunch of stories to tell. It has been a long long year and I feel tired but I got a brand new hope for the future.

Since Smurfy lost my other web address (20somethingwomen.com is gone), I got a new face: The Steel Princess.  I guess it represents me well enough and I will leave you to decide after you’ll see my experiences from this year if I am made of steel or not… But we’ll get back to this another time.

Now, for tonight I got only the introduction and a short story that marked my past two years and it needs an urgent closure so I can be able to move on to another stupid fantasy (man! do I screw up my life with so much style sometimes :)) The story will be on chapters so you may feel the tension of the coming closure.

AND! I do promise to write a lot more  in the new era and I’ve got gifts in store for some of you

Let’s go to… Bedtime stories.

The Princess is alive and kicking!!

Kisses to my favourites: Smurfy for the new site and the face lift of it, the 4 musketeers for standing by my side, all the boys that adore me, and the others that just stand me

xoxo

Most if not all of my ex-s tried to make me stop smoking and guess what? I did. Stopped smoking in front of them )
If there is a lesson to learn out of this is never stop smoking over a dick.
Dicks go by, cigarettes never swing.
Let me tell you a funny story about an ex who terrorized me to stop smoking. And so I did for 2 weeks and after thought better and I decided to just never smoking in his face. But of course the Dude didn’t even notice that. I use to smoke everywhere with him, in his mother’s house, with his mother and sometimes even her cigarettes, at the seaside, in the restaurants, at the country side, everywhere but not in front of  him.
The Dude was pleased that I stopped smoking and I was happy to lie to him (face it, it was for a good cause – I get bored easily).
The funny part of the story is that he made his brother and his sister-in-law to quit smoking too, and they adopted the same style as me.
And actually this thing bonded a friendship between me and that girl until present time.
They smoke their asses up behind his back face and the Dude lives a happily illusion that he cured people from cancer.
Isn’t this lovely?

Thinking of this, quiting smoking would have deprived me from these moments when I enjoy my 4 AM Rose and my pink little Vogue.
I mean really, who wants to live forever anyway? And why? We have only a lifetime and we’d better make the most of it cause it doesn’t give us a second spin.

If I choose to stop something I’d rather do it on my time frame, after all, I am calling the shots in my life, you in yours, we check points at the end

Have a good one dear!!
A la votre!!

I live in a stone cold society based on superficiality and over rated (or in some cases low rated) comfort. The one thing that drives me up the mornings is not the coffee but the wish of making something good of that day.
You see… I’ve been through all… late mornings, late afternoons, late nights and back to normal early mornings.
I must admit, although I love sleeping in the morning and being lazy most of the time, my body just loves, adores the energy of a bright early sunny day. I love that feeling that I have done something that was worth my while that day, or with that night for that mater.

Take for instance today, I have had a late morning, no coffees, lots of e-mails and scans, and nothing worth mentioning until late in the night when I finally got the laziness out and put my hand on my hardly ever used laptop. Being lazy and a lover of technology I am a paradox since I hardly use the lazy-top.

I have this wild dream of doing everything I love and get paid for that as well. As on of my dear and cynic friends would say: “Honey, you’re deluded!”

And… I have Robot Boy who’s dream is to find The One.

Between my wild dream and his I wonder, who’s more deluded?

Me, for wanting the world at my feet and constantly bragging about it or him for searching something who believes it’s out there but he has no idea how that might turned out to be like.
What is the definition of The One these days? Is The One the pair of perfect legs in a Vintage dress, is she the good friend that turned into a good catch and after in the one, or maybe is she’s the pretty face you’ll meet on your way home from work in the bus station OR is The One the perfect match to your dreams and fantasies?
But then you will have to know your dreams and fantasies quite well. And I wonder, when do we know our selves at that better level that we can say: Damn!! That’s the one!! The One who’s gonna give all that was desired and to whom we’ll give us.

Is us enough to give in this society where all is rated?

When do you get to know yourself that good to know what you want and how the one should be?
Is it at 20′s? Is is at 30′s? Or is it never and we all just have to settle with the best that we’ve found out of the people we’ve met?
Cause in that case I’ll definitely end up in the sappy low rated American movie: just me and my cat in a studio with a bunch of sappy movies and a tone of dreams to chase (let’s not forget the ice-cream).

Sorry guys, but so far, none of you are the best, even out of the worst, and even if you were the best for someone, that someone is just not Me.
 I got dreams to chase and flags to run down, I got the spirit to run wild and steam to boost my thirsty heart for living, and I am just not ready to settle for anything less dazing than Me.

 Dedicated to Robot Boy cause heart my friend is the one who’s gonna tell you who you are and what you want.
The One is just the Cherry on top of the cake you surely deserve.

Love is gone, long live the Love!!

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It was suppose to be just one day, but every year is the same. It’s either 1 week, either all summer. I never stop, I got my motor running and I ain’t going back until the heat is taken by the cold. After years of doing this over and over again, I got my shield on and there’s nothing strong enough to penetrate it. In the alcohol steam everything is fun, everything except for the next day, and boy!! there is always the next day ).

I had a good time, it was as always too much, but never enough.

I got my boys, I got my girls, I’m just waiting for colour to come back in my life

Happy B-day to me!!